There was a day when I died…

I read a quote today from a friend in facebook.  It was a quote I read many, many years ago when I was still training in ministry, and I thank God that reading the quote again has refreshed it’s message.  This is what it says:

There was a day when I died; died to self, my opinions, preferences, tastes and will; died to the world, its approval or censure; died to the approval or blame even of my brethren or friends; and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God -- George Mueller

There was a day when I died.  What an important day that is for a Christian.  More important than a birthday, an anniversary or whatever special day we may have marked in our calendar.  Why?  Because it’s the day when Jesus truly became Lord of our lives.  Every true and authentic believer in Christ will remember a day when this happened to him.  I remember mine vividly.

I was under training as a Minister of the Gospel, way back 1986 or 1987.  I was assigned to Tagbilaran, Bohol.  Being born and raised in Manila that was a real culture shock for me!  No malls, no taxis, very little cars during that time.  All you saw were trycicles.  I struggled with the thought of actually living there for the rest of my life.  I was warned about this when I first entered training for the full time ministry, having confirmed in my heart that God was calling me to be a Pastor.  Our Senior Pastor then would always tell us that we should be willing to die, to give up everything, all for Jesus.  My commitment and love for our Lord was having its most important test.

I remember actually coming to God in prayer and telling him “Lord, I don’t want to be here.  Send me back to Manila”.  Imagine, me telling God what He should do for me!  But that’s how strong my “self” was.  Of course I wasn’t just going to decide on my own to go back to Manila.  I knew I needed God’s confirmation.  But that was my prayer – I wanted Him to bring me back to Manila.  Then I opened my Bible and was lead to this passage:

John 12:24-26 (NIV)
24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
25 The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

Ouch!  Just like the two-edged sword that it is, the Word of God spoke straight to my heart.  I wept, in shame, that I had even dared to tell God what He should be doing for me.  Just like the kernel of wheat Jesus spoke about I needed to die to bear fruit for His glory.  I needed to hate my life so much to keep it.  And if I was truly serving the Lord all I had to do was follow Him.  Where my Master is, that’s where I should be.

And just like that I gave up the fight, threw in the towel, and died.  Funny because a few weeks after I “died” someone else was assigned to take over the work in Tagbilaran, and I was asked to go back to Manila.  A few months after though I was on my way to Ozamiz City in Mindanao, but by then my heart had already been slashed by the Sword of the Spirit, and I was willing to give myself, bring myself, wherever God wanted me to be.  After a few months I was back in Manila, got married, and eventually God brought me to where I am today, Bacolod City.  I am where God wants me to be.  And the only time that I will leave this place is when my Lord tells me that I’m needed elsewhere.  But if not, I will be where He wants me to be.

And up to today I am still dying.  The Lord continues to deal with our hearts, moving us to give up things, preferences, habits, that are not part of His plan, His working in our life, and that will not bring Him glory.  Dying to self will never stop.  But there must be that one day, that one moment, when God deals with our heart, that we “fall to the ground and die” that we may bear fruit.  Do we have that special day?  Do our hearts celebrate our “deathday” – the day we decided that we were not going to save our life, that where our Lord is that’s where we should be.  That day when we decided in our hearts that God is the one we were going to honor for the rest of our life.