Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget that I’m the one God called to ministry, and the “life of faith” (a term we use in our church for our Ministers having no salary, just trusting in the Lord to provide for us through the members of our church), and not the other members of my family.  There are times when God provides for us just exactly what we need, and many times He provides just at the nick of time.  And that makes us anxious – especially my wife and kids.  And sometimes I expect them to have the same walk of faith as God has graciously given me when He called me to ministry.  But they don’t.  And I shouldn’t expect them to have that same faith.  I can pray that the same grace God has given me to trust Him and wait upon Him will fill their hearts and believe that He will provide for our every need.  And I realize that through the years He has been doing that – filling our hearts with faith, and providing for all our needs.  And I am thankful.

Sometimes I forget that I myself become anxious.  I cannot claim to have great faith in God.  As a man, and as the head of the family, I consciously hide my anxious feelings, my fears.  One of my kids mentioned that they have never seen me cry, and have that feeling that I never cry.  But they don’t know that I have cried before God many times.  Usually it’s when they’re all asleep, and I face the many trials and needs that we have – and I cry to God.  Sometimes I forget that I, too, am as weak as they are.  One of my favorite passages in Scripture:  Psalm 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will trust in you. 4  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  And I am thankful that God reminds me of who I really am.  There are times when I am “strong” in faith, and I have to encourage them to be strong also.  But I cannot do it as if I’m the only one strong, when in fact I am as weak, or even weaker in faith as they are.  There are many times when they, my wife and kids, are the ones who scold me for my lack of faith.  Thank God for that.

Sometimes I forget that I am not the pillar of my family.  God is.  The usual stereotyped picture of the husband/father is that we are the pillars of the family, and we have to hold it up.  We provide, protect, lead and guide them through the many circumstances of life.  But I eventually realize that I am not strong enough, bold enough, to be a pillar.  Then I also realize I am not called to hold up my family.  I am not supposed to try and carry the burdens for all of them.  What I am to do is to look to to the Lord and allow Him to hold up my family, each one of us, with the different roles we have.  Psalm 18:1-3 …I love you, O LORD, my strength. 2  The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3  I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.  It is He who is our pillar, the One we take refuge in.  In no way am I to try and take that place from Him.  And in no way am I to try and show my family that that is who I am.  God is our pillar.

I thank God He is who He is, and that when I forget who He is, and think that I am, He is the One who reminds me of who He is, of who I am…or rather, who I am not.

Isa 40:28-31  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
29  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
30  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
31  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.