My Backsliding Experience

I was writing in my other blog about backsliding (a topic I am very familiar with since I was a former “backslider”), and I remembered my own experience of backsliding from the Lord. 

Years ago, when I was in college, someone shared to me the “gospel”.  At that time my understanding of the gospel was the message given during the Mass.  But I heard a different kind of news – good news.  It told me of who I was, a sinner, whose life was separated from God because of my evil deeds.  But it taught me about a Savior, of what He did to save me from that state.  He died for me, took the punishment that was meant for me because I was a sinner, and paid the price for me.  I remember telling myself “why didn’t anyone tell me about that”.  And when I was invited to receive that message for myself I did, I prayed, and things started to change. 

I started attending bible studies, and then slowly began to attend a Christian church.  I started to learn what the Bible taught about who the Lord was, what He promised for us, and how He was a prayer answering God.  I was slowly growing in my new found Christian life.

A few months into my new Christian life I got to like a girl.  I started courting her.  And after a few weeks I was going to go for it – I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend!  And so, as every “born again” Christian would do, I prayed.  I prayed seriously, sincerely, in Jesus name even, that God would move her heart and have her answer me with a great, big, “YES”!  I was excited.  I went to her house…popped the question…and she answered “no”.

I was shocked.  I went out of her house wondering why God did not answer my prayer!  I was fuming mad!  I thought that God answered prayer?  My request was simple.  Couldn’t God have just moved her heart to answer me?  And so, right at that moment, I turned my back on God.  He did not give me what I wanted, and so I did not give Him what He wanted – Myself.  And so I backslid.  I drank more, took more drugs, enjoyed life more.  I was on my own.  Oh sure, I still believed in God, but He was just there…useless.  If He couldn’t answer my prayer of what use was He to me?

That was my concept of God – that He had to answer my prayer.  That He was there at my beck and call.  Prayer was my tool, my magic potion, to get Him to do what I wanted Him to do.  And when the potion did not work, all I had to do was throw it away, and look for another one.

For those of you who have backslid, or maybe you’re still a backslider, have you ever noticed that the reason I had for backsliding is the same reason that most of us have for backsliding – God not answering our prayer, or not allowing things to go our way.  When God does not give us what we want we take it against Him, we feel He is unfair, and we turn our backs on Him.  Oh it may be as simple as my request, or it may be as major as keeping someone alive, or stopping our business from failing, or maybe keeping a job.  And when He doesn’t answer as we want Him to, we just throw Him away, and we go back to our own way.

What I did not realize was that I had made myself an image of God according to my imagination, according to what I wanted Him to be, rather than who He was.  The god I wanted was for my pleasure, to do as I desired.  And if I just offer the right sacrifices, the right prayer, He will do that for me.  Many today worship a god of their imagination, of their liking, rather than really bowing down and worshipping the God of who He is.  It was only later on that I realized that I had it all wrong, and that I was there for Him, not the other way around.

We live for ourselves.  It doesn’t matter what other people think, and it doesn’t even matter what God thinks.  I do what I want to do.  This is what characterizes the life that all of us live.

2 Corinthians 5:15  And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.

Jesus gave His life for us, not so that we could get all that we wanted, but so that He could get all of us.  He saved us from the hold of sin, to bring us to His hold of freedom, a freedom to enjoy His life.

When we live for God, I mean REALLY live for God, it does not matter whether or not He does answer our prayer, or whether our desires are met or not, or whether things go our way or not.  What matters is we know He is with us, that He holds our life, and that we have eternity assured for us because He paid the price for our sins through His dying for us.  That’s what really matters.

But you know what’s great?  He does answer prayer.  He may sometimes answer “no”, or “wait”, but He does.  And it’s the knowing He hears, and cares, that really satisfies.  And, yes, He does meet our desires.  They may come in different packaging, and He may even change one or more of our desires, but He does.  He is here to satisfy.  But God doesn’t want us living for what He does.  He wants us living for Him…period.  Just Him.

It took around 5 years of a backslidden life for me to realize that – it was all about Him.  After turning my back on Him, He never turned His back on me.  He looked for me, even when I was not looking for Him.  And eventually He brought me back.  But by that time He made sure that I understood why He brought me back.  It was all for Him, not for me.

God took away the self-centeredness and began to build and mature my God-centeredness.  And He is still building; and I may be maturing but I cannot claim to be mature.  He is still working in me.  But He has made it clear – that I am here for Him, not Him for me.  The world does not revolve around me, it revolves around Him.  He reminded me, and continues to remind me, that I live for Him who died for me, who gave His life for my sake.  And that is something I am willing to do, wholeheartedly, by His grace and strength.

2 Corinthians 5:15 And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.

Those Forgetful Moments

I officiated a wedding today, generally all went well until the end.  After the proclamation, where I say “I now pronounce you husband and wife”, I asked the congregation to pray for the couple, and right after that I announced that the service was over.  With the usual “God bless you all”, and “another round of applause for the newlyweds”, I officially ended the service.

As I was putting all my stuff together I saw the groom looking at me with a puzzled face, as if saying “It’s finished?  You didn’t forget anything?”.  I was about to tell him it was now the wedding planner’s turn to handle the picture taking when I heard someone from the congregation shout “you may now kiss the bride”!  Wow, I had forgotten the most awaited part of the whole ceremony!  Oh no, what a “50’s moment” that was!  Very quickly I jokingly said “I was just testing if you would remember”, and with a guilty smile on my face apologized to him, and quickly said “You may now kiss the bride”!

It’s a good thing it was taken very lightly by the congregation, who just laughed it off as a nice light comedy moment in the ceremony.  But, wow, I forgot the sweetest, most romantic, part of the ceremony – one that everyone, from the bride and groom to the congregation, wait for!  Anyway, I went down from the pulpit making a mental note – “I’m not going to forget that part again”! 

The story doesn’t stop there!  As I left the venue someone was standing at the gate and waved at me.  I approached him with a puzzled look on my face (it was my turn to use that look, ha ha), and he said “You don’t remember me?”.  Aaaargghhhh!  He looked so familiar, but the Pentium 1 processor in my brain was taking its sweet time searching its memory base as to who he was!  It’s a good thing he was kind enough to introduce himself, and even added a compliment that he was blessed by the wedding service.  Of course I had not seen him in years, but he did look very familiar, and I just couldn’t remember who he was right away.

Don’t you hate those forgetful moments?  They remind you of how old you already are.  Sigh.

I am thankful, though, that I don’t have to worry about that with my God.  Though He is the “Ancient of Days”, He does not, and will not, forget us.

Isaiah 49:15  "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

Here the Lord uses probably the most intimate and loving relationship in the world – that of a mother and child, to compare with His love for us.  But I’m sure we know of mothers who have abandoned their children, or who have forgotten about them.  But the Lord said “I will not forget you”.  As the famous Basil Valdez song says “Hindi kita malilimutan”.  That’s God’s promise.  It’s who He is.

There will be times when we will feel that maybe God has forgotten us.  But during those moments we’re the ones with the memory problem, not God.  We are the ones who forget what He promised, verses like the one above that assure us that our Lord will never forget.

Thank God He is God. 

Nothing Like The Real Thing

There’s nothing like the real thing, as Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrel sang years ago for Motown (ok old guys, start singing…).  I started enjoying brewed coffee again a few days ago.  There’s nothing like the taste of freshly brewed coffee!  Actually, I used to brew coffee everyday with a regular coffee brewer.  But after a month, when the electric bill came, I was “shocked” to find out how high my bill was.  Since I drink around three cups of coffee (at the most) a day, that meant I would brew a fresh cup three times a day also.  So, I decided to go back to instant coffee.

Then a few years back a friend of mine gave me a coffee presser.  It made things a little easier, and I could enjoy brewed coffee once again.  But eventually for lack of budget to buy packs of brewed coffee I was back to instant.

Recently I received two packs of brewed coffee from brethren in the church.  Then I remembered the old coffee presser, just like the one in the picture below, that I used to use some years back.  I asked Marge to look for it, and she found it.  And, lo and behold, I was back to drinking brewed coffee again!

 

Yeah…there’s nothing like freshly brewed coffee.  The richness, the fullness of the taste.  Thank God for coffee!

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Many times in Scripture the Lord would invite people to “taste” and enjoy life with Him.  Just like brewed coffee, or any other favorite beverage or food you may enjoy, the moment you taste “the real thing” – life with God – you will always look for Him, because there will be nothing, or no one, who can replace Him.

When reaching out to a Samaritan woman who had five husbands, and was living in with someone, Jesus said:

John 4:13  Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,
John 4:14  but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

The things of this life, what this world has to offer, only makes us thirst some more.  They don’t really satisfy.  But if we drink the water that the Lord gives us we will never thirst.  The satisfaction we receive will be more than what the world offers, and it wells up to eternal life!

Let’s not make the same mistake as Israel:

Jeremiah 2:13  "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

Imagine turning their backs on the “real thing”, the spring of living water, and building their own cisterns, broken cisterns, that hold nothing.  How many today have turned their backs on the Lord, or, at least, have placed Him in the sideline, while they’re busy digging their own cisterns, stressed out, tired, frustrated…because it holds no water.

There’s nothing like the real thing.  In John 10:10 Jesus said that He came so that He could give us life…and He brews the best!

Exhausted, Giving Our All

During my prayer time this morning I read a couple of passages that the Lord used to check the quality of time that I gave Him in prayer.  All I can say is “ouch”.  Let me share them with you.

Isa 43:22  "Yet you have not called upon me, O Jacob, you have not wearied yourselves for me, O Israel.

Wearied means “exhausted”.  Do we exhaust ourselves for the Lord?  No, not in ministry, but in prayer.  Is our prayer time a time where we weary ourselves before Him, seeking Him – His presence, His fellowship, His will?

Another passage brought to my attention was this:

Mark 14:3  While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

Here was a woman, with an expensive alabaster jar of expensive perfume, pure.  Verse 5 tells us it was worth a year’s wages!  And yet she broke the jar and poured all the perfume on our Lord’s head.  That was how much the Lord was worth – everything she could give.

She spent so much, gave so much, for the Lord.  Worship at its best.  No, not at it’s best…worship as it should be.  There is no other worship that God accepts.

Wearied.  Giving the best, giving our all.  Does this describe the worship, the prayer time, that we bring to the Lord?  Does this describe what we offer to the Lord, what we believe He is deserving of?

The Bodyguard

I was in the mall today, having an early dinner with a friend, when I saw a brother in Christ from our church walking just outside the glass panel of the restaurant.  He is a head of security of a congressman who just happened to be there also in the mall.  I was waving at him to say hello, but he was so engrossed in his role, or work, as security for the congressman that he either did not see me, or if he did he could not afford to be distracted.  I admired his focus, his attention and discipline during that moment.  I’m sure when I see him on Sunday he will be the usual accommodating and friendly brother he is.  But while at work, he was fixed on doing what he was called to do.

I remember another brother in Christ, now a Minister of the Gospel, but many years back was a close-in security of a political figure.  I was told that when he was with other Christians he was friendly and would fellowship, but when he was at work guarding his boss he would not leave his post, or even talk to anyone who approached him.  Talk about alertness and commitment to his work.

This should remind us of the same commitment and alertness we show to the Lord and to the life He desires us to live.  Many times in the New Testament God’s Word reminds us to be alert at all times.

1 Thessalonians 5:5-6  You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.
6  So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled.

Have you ever seen a security guard asleep?  Christians are not supposed to be that way.  We are to be alert, not allowing anything in the world to distract us, and so self-controlled that no matter what may catch our eye we keep our eyes on the Lord!

And just like a bodyguard knows that the person he is guarding may have enemies ready to pounce on him, we, as Christians, need to be alert at all times knowing we, too, have an enemy.

1 Peter 5:8-9  Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
9  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

We shouldn’t be walking in this world unaware that we have an enemy who is ready to pounce on us and attack us.  We should be self-controlled and alert, standing firm in the faith always.

Spiritually we are to be bodyguards to ourselves, our Christian lives, guarding our heart that has been bought and saved by our Savior.  Standing firm, alert, not allowing anyone or anything to distract us.