Here is a testimony of my son, Paul, who asked me the favor of sharing it in my blog site. We pray that the Lord may use this to glorify His name, and to proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ.
My Testimony
I’ve been praying about sharing my testimony on Social Media. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t just keep acting like nothing has changed or keep quiet about what God has done with me. For some reason, I have this strong prompting in my heart that there is someone out there who need to hear/read this.
Social Media has been a tool for me to connect with people and express my thoughts / feelings (especially memes lol), but now I want to use it to share about God’s great Mercy and Grace. I’m praying that the Lord will use this post to speak to souls, even just one soul! If this is you right now, I pray that He may open the eyes of your heart and draw you to Him.
(long post ahead)
For those who already know what has happened to me, I’m NOT writing this post to explain my side, nor justify my actions, but to display what God’s done in my life—how He’s disciplined me, delivered me from my sinful life, and saved me from my sins. I am a sinner saved by grace alone, not by anything I’ve done. (And NO, the break up didn’t change me, I already encountered God before everything started unfolding)
For those who’ve known me since I was young, this is a confession of who I was these past years.
For those who know me professionally, this is a proclamation of how the Gospel has worked in my life.
However, if I were to try to put down everything in writing, this post would be too limited for me to share. So I’ll go straight to the point about my experience.
I was living a double life. My “Christian” life and my worldly / “secret” life. I cannot expound in this post about what I mean by “secret”, but it definitely was not pretty. I tried to keep my “Christian” life as a facade—hiding my vices behind my family and the church and ended up getting deeply immersed in my fleshly desires. I kept purposely running away from God, but eventually realized that I couldn’t hide from Him. Honestly, I was never even happy. I felt empty and somehow tormented all of these years.
Until I had an encounter with the Lord.
One simple day at home, alone, He opened my eyes. Out of the blue, all the things I’ve done and sins I’ve committed started replaying in my head & I saw how dirty and disgusting I was. I felt the darkness all around me and started to feel the shame and condemnation consuming me. Being a musician and someone who loves music, I found myself looking for comfort through music. At that very moment, He led me to the song “His Mercy is More”, after almost 5 years of not listening to Christian Music:
“What love could remember no wrongs we have done
Omniscient, all knowing, He counts not their sum
Thrown into a sea without bottom or shore
Our sins they are many, His mercy is more
What patience would wait as we constantly roam
What Father, so tender, is calling us home
He welcomes the weakest, the vilest, the poor
Our sins they are many, His mercy is more
Praise the Lord, His mercy is more
Stronger than darkness, new every morn
Our sins they are many, His mercy is more”
At that moment I just broke down and cried. I heard Him say “Yes, you’ve sinned a lot, but My Mercy is More! Isn’t that what I did on that Cross? To bear all your sins & shame to save you?” Suddenly it felt like all the shame was lifted off and His love just embraced me. Until today I’m still overwhelmed, I still can’t fully explain what happened. My heart just exploded with joy and gratefulness, because He still showed His love for me in spite of who I am. Now, all I have is Peace with Him and indescribable Joy that can only be experienced in His Presence.
I sinned a lot all my life. I was imprisoned to my own sinful pleasures and vices, and because of my selfish and fleshly desires, I ended up hurting my family, my church family and someone I loved and cared for, which eventually led to heartbreak and seperation—one of the things I deeply regret.
Sin is what has seperated me from God, which also leads to our eternal death (hell). Because of that seperation, this is also what caused the emptiness in my heart which led me searching for love/pleasure in all the wrong places. God HATES sin. But because of His great love and mercy for us, He provided the greatest sacrifice—His Son, Jesus Christ.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” [John 3:16-17]
Because of my sins I could not draw near to God. It was His grace that drew me close. His mercy showed how I cannot save myself, but can only be saved through the Cross. How can we fathom the depths of His lovingkindness? A God coming down from the throne to become man and die for our sins. I felt naked before God, stripped off and filled with so much shame, but He clothed me with His love. He made me feel that all the shame from my sin has already been paid for through the Cross. He broke me down so He could build me up again with His grace and love. Now it’s His love that leads me to repentance daily. My only prayer is that He continues to keep me faithful and use me for His glory alone while I enjoy the journey of His sanctification.
If you’ve reached this part after this long read and wish to know more about who this Great God is, you may message me anytime.
If you’re struggling with vices, message me. So I may share the joy that God has given me over those temporary pleasures.
If you’re already a Christian and you’re doubting your faith and feeling lost right now, I pray that this testimony helps and leads you to cry out to Him. Again, you can message me anytime. I believe this is the reason why I needed to post this in the first place.
There’s so much to share, I can’t put everything in this post. All I can say is: Knowing Jesus Christ is so much better than anything this world has to offer.
~ Paul Benjamin U. Benitez
