Our sins they are many...His Mercy is More

Here is a testimony of my son, Paul, who asked me the favor of sharing it in my blog site. We pray that the Lord may use this to glorify His name, and to proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ.

My Testimony

I’ve been praying about sharing my testimony on Social Media. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t just keep acting like nothing has changed or keep quiet about what God has done with me. For some reason, I have this strong prompting in my heart that there is someone out there who need to hear/read this. 

Social Media has been a tool for me to connect with people and express my thoughts / feelings (especially memes lol), but now I want to use it to share about God’s great Mercy and Grace. I’m praying that the Lord will use this post to speak to souls, even just one soul! If this is you right now, I pray that He may open the eyes of your heart and draw you to Him. 

(long post ahead)

For those who already know what has happened to me, I’m NOT writing this post to explain my side, nor justify my actions, but to display what God’s done in my life—how He’s disciplined me, delivered me from my sinful life, and saved me from my sins. I am a sinner saved by grace alone, not by anything I’ve done. (And NO, the break up didn’t change me, I already encountered God before everything started unfolding)

For those who’ve known me since I was young, this is a confession of who I was these past years.

For those who know me professionally, this is a proclamation of how the Gospel has worked in my life.

However, if I were to try to put down everything in writing, this post would be too limited for me to share. So I’ll go straight to the point about my experience. 

I was living a double life. My “Christian” life and my worldly / “secret” life. I cannot expound in this post about what I mean by “secret”, but it definitely was not pretty. I tried to keep my “Christian” life as a facade—hiding my vices behind my family and the church and ended up getting deeply immersed in my fleshly desires. I kept purposely running away from God, but eventually realized that I couldn’t hide from Him. Honestly, I was never even happy. I felt empty and somehow tormented all of these years. 

Until I had an encounter with the Lord. 

One simple day at home, alone, He opened my eyes. Out of the blue, all the things I’ve done and sins I’ve committed started replaying in my head & I saw how dirty and disgusting I was. I felt the darkness all around me and started to feel the shame and condemnation consuming me. Being a musician and someone who loves music, I found myself looking for comfort through music. At that very moment, He led me to the song “His Mercy is More”, after almost 5 years of not listening to Christian Music:

“What love could remember no wrongs we have done

Omniscient, all knowing, He counts not their sum

Thrown into a sea without bottom or shore

Our sins they are many, His mercy is more

What patience would wait as we constantly roam

What Father, so tender, is calling us home

He welcomes the weakest, the vilest, the poor

Our sins they are many, His mercy is more

Praise the Lord, His mercy is more

Stronger than darkness, new every morn

Our sins they are many, His mercy is more”

At that moment I just broke down and cried. I heard Him say “Yes, you’ve sinned a lot, but My Mercy is More! Isn’t that what I did on that Cross? To bear all your sins & shame to save you?” Suddenly it felt like all the shame was lifted off and His love just embraced me. Until today I’m still overwhelmed, I still can’t fully explain what happened. My heart just exploded with joy and gratefulness, because He still showed His love for me in spite of who I am. Now, all I have is Peace with Him and indescribable Joy that can only be experienced in His Presence. 

I sinned a lot all my life. I was imprisoned to my own sinful pleasures and vices, and because of my selfish and fleshly desires, I ended up hurting my family, my church family and someone I loved and cared for, which eventually led to heartbreak and seperation—one of the things I deeply regret. 

Sin is what has seperated me from God, which also leads to our eternal death (hell). Because of that seperation, this is also what caused the emptiness in my heart which led me searching for love/pleasure in all the wrong places. God HATES sin. But because of His great love and mercy for us, He provided the greatest sacrifice—His Son, Jesus Christ. 

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”  ‭‭[John‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭17‬]

Because of my sins I could not draw near to God. It was His grace that drew me close. His mercy showed how I cannot save myself, but can only be saved through the Cross. How can we fathom the depths of His lovingkindness? A God coming down from the throne to become man and die for our sins. I felt naked before God, stripped off and filled with so much shame, but He clothed me with His love. He made me feel that all the shame from my sin has already been paid for through the Cross. He broke me down so He could build me up again with His grace and love. Now it’s His love that leads me to repentance daily. My only prayer is that He continues to keep me faithful and use me for His glory alone while I enjoy the journey of His sanctification. 

If you’ve reached this part after this long read and wish to know more about who this Great God is, you may message me anytime.

If you’re struggling with vices, message me. So I may share the joy that God has given me over those temporary pleasures. 

If you’re already a Christian and you’re doubting your faith and feeling lost right now, I pray that this testimony helps and leads you to cry out to Him. Again, you can message me anytime. I believe this is the reason why I needed to post this in the first place.

There’s so much to share, I can’t put everything in this post. All I can say is: Knowing Jesus Christ is so much better than anything this world has to offer. 

~ Paul Benjamin U. Benitez

Trusting God's Wisdom

One of the blessings of being a Christian is that we can come to the Lord and ask Him for wisdom with regards to decisions we need to make, whatever the circumstance or situation we are in.  And God has promised to provide that wisdom to us.  Ever since the beginning God has given His Word, He has made clear His will to His people.  And it is to our benefit that we take heed to them, listen and apply them.

But when we pray for God’s wisdom we need to be reminded of how vast and wide this wisdom of God is.  We make the mistake of thinking that God’s wisdom is just like ours.  We look at a situation we are in, ask for God’s wisdom, and sometimes expect Him to answer according to how we see fit.  Or, God does answer, and His answer does not seem to jive with what is happening.  We don’t understand.

I find myself in that situation many times!  Yes, there are times when I pray for God’s wisdom, and when He answers I get it, I understand why He worked or answered in a certain way.  But there are many times when I pray, seek His wisdom and guidance, and things turn out so different from what I expected, and I don’t understand.

It is no wonder that God reminds us that He does not think like we do; He does not look at things the way we do.

Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. (9) As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 And so, He asks us to trust Him completely.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Notice how our minds have a tendency to blur important parts of God’s Word?  We see the phrase “trust in the Lord with all your heart”, and we may claim to do it.  But did we notice the next line – “and lean not on your own understanding”?

Sometimes, when we pray for God’s wisdom, we tend to seek it with our own understanding.  And so, when God answers in a different way, we somehow question it.

 This portion of Proverbs 8 reminds us of how vast, how majestic, how powerful, the wisdom of God is:

The LORD brought me (wisdom) forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old; (23) I was appointed from eternity, from the beginning, before the world began. (24) When there were no oceans, I was given birth, when there were no springs abounding with water; (25) before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth, (26) before he made the earth or its fields or any of the dust of the world. (27) I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, (28) when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, (29) when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. (30) Then I was the craftsman at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, (31) rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.

Have you ever looked at creation and noticed how exact, how detailed, how perfect it has been created?  How are there oceans and land, and why don’t they overlap or cross over one another?  How are there underground springs where we get our source of water?  How majestic are the mountains, the hills, and how tiny are the particles of dust in the air?  How can we look up to the sky and only a see a fraction of the whole universe which He created?

Everything that we see on earth – all are a result of the wisdom of our Craftsman, our Creator.  All done with His wisdom. He created the world according to His wisdom, how He thought was just right.  Every detail, every aspect – all God’s wisdom.

And this is the wisdom that we pray for when we need it.  Think of it – how, then can He make a mistake when He works in our life with His wisdom?  Truly His ways are not our ways.

We are not supposed to understand God's wisdom, we're supposed to trust Him.  The wisdom that our God used in creating the earth, and each one of us, is the same wisdom that He uses in answering our prayers, in moving in our circumstances. 

We may not fully understand it.  We just have to trust that He is wise.

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart

("Trust His Heart", Babbie Mason)

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE KEYBOARD

I remember watching my mother typing notes using the typewriter (for the younger generation just Google what a typewriter was, hehe), and admiring her for being able to keep her eyes on the notes she was typing and not looking at the typewriter keys.  And she always came out with a perfect letter.  Sure, some mistakes here and there, but generally I just loved watching her type without looking at the keys of the typewriter.  I believe it was her years of being a secretary that gave her that skill.

Later on, in my high school years, we had typing classes.  They trained us to type that way - memorizing where the letters were in the typewriter keys, and typing without looking at the typewriter and just looking at what we were copying.  It was something I enjoyed, and actually got good grades in those classes!  And it wasn't just typing without mistakes, but typing fast - all without looking at the keys of the typewriter.  I guess it was something that I inherited from my mother.

As I slowly evolved into the computer age, I also applied that skill, being able to type fast, without looking at the keyboard, and just looking at my notes or at the monitor.  Up to now, actually, I'm still able to use that skill.  But "old age" (notice it's in quotes...still adjusting to the fact that I am getting old, hehe) has crept up and affected that skill. I still enjoy typing without looking, but I am making more and more mistakes as the years go by.  Just like now.  I'm typing this blog in my desktop, and in almost every sentence I am either pressing the wrong key, or have to look down once in a while to remember where the asterisk, the "&" sign is, or for which letter should I be using my "pinky" finger or my index finger for, hehe.

It gets even more frustrating with my cellphone.  Instead of pressing the space button I'm pressing the letter "n", or misspelling words, all because I still think I can type a text message while just looking at the screen of the cellphone, and I end up with a message full of misspelled words.  So now I have to type slowly, while keeping my eyes on the virtual keyboard on the phone.

My mind tells me I can still type fast, that I still memorize where the keys of the letters are, but my body is saying "slow down", and keep your eyes on the keypad, so that I will make less mistakes.  It's a fact of life that I have to accept.  Now, I have to type slowly, keeping my eyes on the keyboard.

Hebrews 12:2 NIV Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Our Christian life is based on the same principle.  If we are to live a life that is not "misspelled" in any way, if we are to walk right, then we are to keep our eyes on God, the "keyboard" of our life.  He tells us how we are to live and walk.  He keeps us on the right path.  It is when we take our eyes away from God and His Word that things just begin to crumble, especially our faith.  So, the key - keep your eyes on the Lord and His Word.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Christians are to trust in the Lord with ALL our HEART and LEAN NOT ON our OWN UNDERSTANDING.  That's how God wants us to live.  No compromise, no adjustments.  Our hearts are to be looking to Him always. But our hearts always have the tendency to trust in ourselves, other people, other things, rather than in Him.  This is where we begin to make mistakes, and brings us to crooked and rough paths in life.  It is when we trust in Him for all things that our paths remain straight.

This tendency to look away from God, and to trust in ourselves or other people or things in life, is not about our getting older, our "old age", but our "old nature".  Our sinful nature naturally focuses us away from God.  We have been "trained" to trust in our selves, our skills, our wisdom.  It has trained us to put our hope and foundation on things and the world.  It is when we are born again, our eyes opened to God and His kingdom, that we are brought out of that life.  

But our old self still haunts us, even if we are now living in full trust in the Lord - for our salvation and for our life.  And it influences us to look away from God, which eventually causes us to sin, to create a path of our own, rather than stay where God wants us to stay.  Most of the time we may be keeping our eyes on Jesus, but then we move away from Him, deceived once again by our old nature, thinking that we can do things, or life this life, on our own.

So, for those of us getting old, the key to typing correctly - keep our eyes on the keyboard.

For those of us living a new life in God's kingdom, the key to living the life He wants us to live - keep our eyes on the Lord.  Don't look away, don't trust in your self, in your skill.  Trust completely in the author and perfecter of our faith.  And do it slowly.  God isn't rushing.  We shouldn't rush through life.  That's when we start making mistakes.

As I end this blog, I thank God for the backspace button...I'm able to  corrects the mistakes I make, hehe.  In the same way I thank God for His forgiveness and grace, allowing me to "backspace" in my life and start over, keeping my eyes on Him.

God's grace and peace be with you all!

I Really Don't Know Life At All

 "I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all"

That’s from Joni Mitchell’s song “Both Sides Now”. I love that song. If I’m not mistaken it was written sometime in the 60’s, but the reality of its message rings up to today. It speaks so much about what we feel about life, when we look at both sides – win or lose, ups and downs, blessings and trials.  We just really don't know life at all.

Who of us can explain what happens in this world? Sure, we have “gold medal” moments (as I write this the hangover of Hidilyn Diaz’s Olympic gold win is still there). But we still have the covid-19 virus that has mutated to a delta variant! Our day may start good, but may end up at the opposite end. In reality, we really don’t know life at all.

Compare the lyrics of Joni Mitchell’s song to that of the words of our Lord:

The apostle John wrote:

John 1:4 NIV In him was life, and that life was the light of men.

Notice the certainty, the assurance, that God gives us when it comes to life. In Him, Jesus Christ, was life. Why? Look what John says before that:

John 1:1-3 NIV In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (2) He was with God in the beginning. (3) Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

The Son of God was there in the beginning. Through Him all things were made. And when God made man, life came from the breath of God.

Genesis 2:7 NIV the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Imagine that "life" that was breathed into man! God is eternal, which means that the life breathed into man was also eternal!

And yet man rebelled against that life of God by disobeying their Creator in Genesis chapter 3. This is what brought death, and eternal separation from God. This is also what brought a curse to this life on earth.  Because of this sin, man has lost his understanding of who God is, and is blinded to the life that God has for those who follow Him. Sin has blinded us from seeing God and His life.  

But that’s why God sent His Son.

Jesus Himself said:

John 8:12 NIV When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 9:39 NIV Jesus said, "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind."

Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness. Never. Why? Because the Light of the world opens our eyes to our sinfulness, and makes us realize that we have rebelled against Him. He opens our eyes to who He is, and He makes us realize that we have been living apart from Him, all this time. Only through the life and death of Jesus the Christ do we have forgiveness of sin, and redemption, so that we are brought back to the "life" that was breathed into man in Genesis - life eternal. This now becomes our new hope - not just life in this world, but life eternally with God.

After Jesus had given sight to a man born blind, He asked this:

John 9:35-38 NIV Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?" (36) Who is he, sir? the man asked. "Tell me so that I may believe in him." (37) Jesus said, "You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you." (38) Then the man said, "Lord, I believe," and he worshiped him.

This was the whole point of Jesus healing the man born blind.  The Light of the world opened his eyes so that he would believe and worship Him.  He opened the man's eyes so that he would see Him, know Him, and receive the life that Jesus restores - eternal life.

This is what He does up to today.  He opens the eyes of the blind, that we may know Him, and the life eternal that He restores to us through His death on the cross.

Life’s illusions become clear when the Light of the world opens the eyes of our hearts that have been blinded by sin. Through the cross He has brought redemption and forgiveness of our sins, and for those who realize their blindness He is there that we may see. That same question He had to the blind man He also asks us – “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”.

"I’ve looked at life from both sides now. Life may have its illusions. But through the Light of the world I now know life eternal, a life that is not of this world. A life with God forever through the redemption and forgiveness of sin found in Jesus. I now know life."

May this be the new song of life that we sing in our hearts. 

Enjoying Freshly Ground and Brewed Time of Prayer

In this world where almost everything is automatic and quick, we sometimes miss out on the best, and just settle for "just right", or, in Tagalog - "pwede na".  Making coffee is one of those examples. 

Many people settle for instant coffee.  Not that it's not coffee.  But it's a quick fix.  When you don't have time to prepare and brew coffee, instant coffee is the way.  My eldest son and I enjoy freshly brewed coffee every morning.  We usually have ground coffee in a pack, and we just scoop up what we need straight to our dripper (our preferred way of preparing coffee). 

But there was a time when we would buy coffee beans, and freshly grind it.  It takes more time and effort. But you get the BEST aroma and taste of coffee when you do it.  There is nothing that beats it.  When you take the beans and begin to grind it you already begin to enjoy the aroma of the coffee.  And then when you eventually brew it into a cup, it tastes fresh.  The aroma and freshness makes the time and effort worth it.

Instant coffee is still coffee, that's true.  But why settle for a quick fix, when we can enjoy the process of enjoying the best coffee you can have?  Packed ground coffee ready to place in a coffee maker is still coffee, that's also true, and it tastes so much better than instant coffee.  But there is nothing better than enjoying freshly ground beans, pouring hot water over it, and enjoying it every morning.  It takes time and effort, but it's the best.

Luke 10:38-42 NIV As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. (39) She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. (40) But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" (41) Martha, Martha, the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, (42) but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Both Mary and Martha enjoyed the presence of Jesus in their home.  Martha, probably being the eldest, was the one who opened her home to Jesus.  But as you continue in the story who is it that enjoyed the BEST of the time with the Lord?  It was Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what He said.  The description of what Mary did shows us how she was not after a quick "hi, hello and goodbye" with Jesus.  She wanted to enjoy the time with Him.  Her sitting down describes how she wasn't going to do anything else except take time, make time, to listen to what the Lord was saying.

Martha enjoyed the fact that Jesus was in their home.  But Mary took the time to sit down, listen, and had the BEST experience with the Lord.  Jesus eventually said - "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

What a beautiful description of what our prayer life should be like, right?  In this world where everything is moving so fast, when we have so much to do, how easy it is to have "instant prayers", rather than enjoying a "freshly brewed" prayer time.  What a blessing to take time to sit down, take our Bible, read until the Holy Spirit ministers to us.  It really provides the best time we can have with the Lord.

Many Christians today settle for "instant prayer", which does still have it's benefit, but we miss out on having the BEST experience with the Lord when we take the time to go through the long process of enjoying our sweet time with the Lord.

Shouldn't we be after the BEST time we can have with the Lord always?  Doesn't He deserve being given the best time?  Why settle for a quick experience of "instant prayer", when you can enjoy the slow and beautiful process of enjoying the presence of God as the Holy Spirit works in our hearts?  Why settle for instant, when you can enjoy the best, and have a "freshly ground and brewed" time of prayer?